Let that Magic Back In

I am 43 years old and currently, without any shame at all, I am being guided through my day to day life by a 4-year-old sassy cutie patootie who has become my Yogi/Guru/Sensei/Super Soul Sunday Episode/Iyanla Fix My Life all in one.

My best friend Porsha has been sending me pictures of her brother's cute girls for months now. her lil brother who I remember being a 5-year kid when we were in college.  Talk about an entire head trip. Shout out to Nemo for one my favorite songs. Porsha sent a video a couple of weeks ago of a wonder child dancing her lil heart out and I haven't gotten enough of her since.

Her name is ZaZa and she is quite the fireball and very expressive dancer. The video Porsha sent me is of ZaZa asking for her jam to be played with her singing a few lines and asking if her parent remembers the song so they can play it. Her lil voice asks, "Member? I got that water BOOM BOOM." The beat drops and ZaZa's little body comes alive and the rest is intern…

Bad Ass Mwabz

I started running 6 years ago in March 2013.  At first, I was fully content meeting my Black Girls Run sole sisters once a week on Wednesdays and running 3 miles with them.  I watched them discuss upcoming races after the run and thought they were in a lane I had no business being in.  Running with them was fellowship and I looked forward to my Wednesdays because of them; I'd catch up on their lives and they would catch up on my life between Wednesdays.  I was newly divorced raising 2 kids and one of the ladies always had an encouraging word or would tell me about resources that got them through their tough days and helped raised their kids.  Eventually, their lane didn't seem so foreign anymore and I signed up for my first 5K that Fall, a 10K followed and the following Spring, I ran my first Half Marathon.
My family watched my journey and loved to tell people that I was a runner.  They told them I was crazy for doing it too but their pride in me made up for that.  My sister …

Broken Wakanda Relations

It was all a dream...Biggie voice, that's all I could think this weekend when I awoke to a post about Luvvie Ajayi, cousin in my head being dragged on twitter.  I was very, very, very busy Friday feeding 99 football players after working half a day and doing other football Mom stuff until 2 AM but I didn't think I'd missed something so significant as this.  While I was being Mom and paying very little attention to social media (let's face it, I'm lucky to get to Twitter once a month anymore), Luvvie resurrected Tevin Campbell enough for black Twitter to drag her for something she didn't even say.

Y'all, the Queen of Soul's body hadn't even gone cold yet before folks were debating on who should do her tributes in upcoming award shows and who should play her in a movie.  I'm sensitive to all things surrounding death after experiencing one very close to home and after seeing people's insensitivity around it so I steered clear of the obligatory…

Alright 2018, Here We Are

I spent January 1, 2018 in my pajamas and mostly watching Offspring, an Australian TV show I recently discovered on Netflix.

I left my bed very briefly to visit my sister's grave a few miles from my bed.

Yup, my sister passed away on August 10, 2017.  Stage 4 colon cancer. A few months shy of 3 years since being diagnosed with stage 3.  Colorectal cancer is a bitch and it's on the rise. 

2017 started with me training for my first marathon and watching my sister's health decline daily. Decline turned to knowing the end was coming and let me tell you, watching a loved one die for months does quite a number on your soul.

I started seeing a Therapist a month ago.

New year's day ended with my sons and I watching the Rose Bowl and Georgia pulling out a win.

So yeah, 2017 was quite the year.

I became a vegetarian in June. People keep asking me why and it was before What The Health scared everyone. It was time I guess and subconsciously, watching someone you love's organs…

Divorce Vows

Did y'all watch Marlon on NBC? It was so good! The premise is that Marlon and ex wife Ashley are divorced and raising their kids.  Marlon is way comfortable and always at the house and basically wants his cake and to eat it too; all out here being bachelor up in these streets but still wants to come home to his family when he feels like it. You know the stuff.

It's actually a cute show. On the season finale he tries to take Ashley, his ex wife on a date on their anniversary. For the sake of the kids, Ashley has been going along with most of these shenanigans because they are good friends.  Ashley says she doesn't want to celebrate with him this year but Marlon lures her to the restaurant where they had their first date anyway.  And they have the following exchange:

Marlon: "I'm sorry if in our marriage I didn't follow through with promises but in divorce I promise you I will."

Ashley: "And I promise you I'll hold you to that."

Facing Giants

I turned 40.

Life happened and I faced more challenges than I can recount. I really thought it would be smooth sailing after 40, HA!!! What's that saying about making plans? Yeah that.

If you follow me outside real life and know a little about me then you know I am a runner. I laced up 4 years ago and haven't looked back.  I couldn't run 2 blocks when I started then before you know it I was running 5Ks, 10Ks, 15Ks, 10 milers and half marathons and enjoyed it.

Something else happened after entering this new decade.  I felt a shift in my mind.  I remember the first time I ran and thought there is no way I can run 3 miles but I stuck with it and did! 

I ran my first 5K and ran many more. I looked at my run buds and thought they were crazy for wanting to run anything more. Then came the shift, I thought yeah I can run 6 miles.  And I did.  The more I ran the more my body became acclimated and the more upping the miles didn't feel like Goliath.  I got up to 13.1 miles and st…

Energy, Babies, Birthdays, The Middle and 40 things I've Lived Through

I love babies.  I love their new baby smell, their little bodies, their cries, the peace that fills your soul when you hold them, their little eyes, the way they grip your thumb with their teeny weeny hands. Even when they cry I love soothing them and assuring them that everything will be just fine. I almost considered being a volunteer at the Hospital to rock the babies in some ward that needed it but then overthought it when my mind got away from me and found itself in that "What if I get attached to one and I come back one day and the baby is no longer there not because the baby got well but because the baby didn't?"  There are things I have known about myself for many decades and one is that my heart simply cannot handle that.  In an instant I saved myself from the imagined heartbreak all the while robbing myself from the delight that rocking those babies would have brought me.  I am all kinds of complex and I made peace with that a very long time ago.

I love babies…