What About Your Friends?



I have been watching another show, "Being Mary Jane" and the relationship between 2 girlfriends has me scratching my head and examining my own friendships.

These two women, Mary Jane and Lisa definitely love each other but there are so many buts.

It appears that Lisa has it in her head (Lord, why do we live in our heads so much?) that David is the answer to living a happy life and somehow she had a chance with him that she missed.  She missed it because David was not interested in her, all his interest and affection was for Mary Jane.  Mary Jane didn't steal David from Lisa (though I think in her head Lisa thinks she did) because David was never hers to begin with.

It goes deeper and our girl Lisa feels like MJ gets everything; the loving parents and family, the great job, the good men.  It is frustrating to watch because Lisa is beautiful and a successful doctor in her own right.

Our girl is STUCK.  And angry. And lashing out.  And gone inward. Phone off the hook, shades drawn, in PJ's, off the grid. Gurl!

There are levels and situations to this girlfriend/friendship thing and I've been there but that was a very long time ago.

I had a guy start off as a great friend that wanted more and I didn't want more.  I liked that we were friends. So I did the most logical thing a 15 year old teen girl does and I hooked him up with my friend. They hit it off and he sent her cute gifts and all the stuff I liked and I got jealous.  It's human nature.  I didn't stay there for long and we all moved on.  I never wanted to be her, I just missed the attention.  I didn't stay up at night plotting how to break them up and all that jazz because hello, I already established that I didn't want him.

I can admit to this. I was 15.

MJ and Lisa are GROWN.

I had to look around and look at my own circle of friends and wonder if I have friends who want to be me or if I want to be them and no Ma'am, that's not how we roll in my world.

My girlfriends and I are supportive with each other and are sounding boards for each other.  We are not out here trying to be the Beyonce of the group, we just are.  We have seen each other through highs and lows and offer support and hugs.  We don't place blame and thrive on "I told you so's."  We allow ourselves to make mistakes so we can grow from them and be better.

We choose to live in real time and not in our heads like our girl Lisa who is in serious need of a worldwide group girlfriend hug.

Which brings me to another point, why do we remain friends with people who are clearly not adding to our lives?  I see it all the time and people don't let go because they've known this friend since forever.  Well that's not enough reason people.  When a friendship season ends, bid it adieu.

I have also heard that some people act a certain way because of their childhoods and blah, blah, blah.  Listen, you can't be a brat all your life because of your horrid past.  You have to let it go too.  No one owes you anything and fantasizing that my parents were your parents won't help you either.

I have girlfriends who grew up with things I can't even imagine including a parent with mental illness, witnessing a murder, and being given up and put into foster care to fend for themselves.

Do you know what they did?  Well lets start with what they didn't do.  They didn't wallow in pity.  They found a way to further their education through scholarships and made a name for themselves.  One graduated with multiple degrees and the other thrived at a radio career.  They both chose to become the best parents they could be and their children are thriving because of it.

They didn't look at my upbringing and wish it were them.

Quickest way to lose me as a friend is to wallow in pity with no way out.

My girlfriends and I move on.  We don't harp on who did us wrong in 95.  We left that fool back there in 95 and decided to live.  Only time he comes up is for us to laugh and thank God we didn't marry him!

Lisa, gurl, get out of your head and live!  Stop blocking your blessings.  Life is waiting on you.




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