Twenty Fifteen - And Another One

I made it through another year's journey, God kept me here and for that I am grateful especially since I lost a dear friend this year and my dear cousin Jane lost her husband just weeks ago.

Started off the year on a high note in love. Beautiful, soul stirring, get me on all levels love.  We had settled into a beautiful relationship and I just knew we were in it for the long haul. Then came the shattering of it all. I wasn't even mad. Just grateful I hadn't wasted years pouring into what would no longer be after just 6 months. Wished him well and sent him right along his merry way. I thanked him for the memories and appreciated the purpose he served.

Cancer.

Yeah, the year also started off with me being the chemo partner.  12 rounds and radiation. That chemo room taught me so much humility.  This thing does not discriminate.  I watched a couple that looked no older than 25.  He was the patient and she snuggled close on that chemo chair under a soft blanket as they watched Netlix.  Anything to get their minds off the 4 hours and all the medicine being pumped into him drop by drop.

This room had wives of over 50 years sitting with their husbands, Mothers sitting with their children, children sitting with their parents, and I, a sister sitting with her sister.  All of us hopeful that these rounds would kill this disease and bring us back to our normal.

Prison.

January found me in a waiting room of a prison bringing some hope and sunshine to an otherwise dreary situation.  This waiting room has become a part of my new normal and again this experience humbles you. This thing does not discriminate.  Some of us get there on private jets, others by driving all night.  Some have bank accounts that have never taken a hit and others had to scrape everything just to make it here. But once we walk through those doors, we are the same. Just family members here to see loved ones and remind them that we love them still and nothing they did could ever change that.  We are here to show them grace.

Family stability is something that has been engraved in us since childhood and this year it has been tested the most.  Roles have shifted and it has been quite an adjustment.  This year has also been the year I've seen things for what they are and there has been some ugly.  Ugly I could ignore but not anymore. It has been hard to reconcile but I am grateful for seeing it clearly and knowing how to proceed.

Milestone.

My first born got his license this year.

This little baby that changed my whole life just by looking into my eyes moments after he was born is now a grown up. Soon, we will be going on college visits.

I started off the year unemployed and it made me readily available for the chemo room.  I asked God for a job when I needed it in May and 3 weeks later, he sent me one.  Actually he sent me 2.  Started off with nothing and ending it with 2.  Won't he do it?!

I turned 39 this year and wanted to be introspective. I went and climbed Stone Mountain on my own and looked at God's creation and just waited there. God met me right there and sent me the song "Beautiful" by The Walls Group that had me crying and praising....

Give Him all your pain
Call each one by name
He can make them beautiful
Beautiful, Beautiful
You make all things beautiful

That song was everything I needed in that moment and I have carried it with me in my heart.ever since.

Back to love, I was cool and decided that I was going to bow out gracefully since it wasn't for me.  I was really fine with it and had had a great run with it. I was just going to concentrate on raising my kids and getting them to college.

Well, here I am ending the year with Warrior love by my side.  Look at that.

Twenty fifteen.

Onward!





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