Energy, Babies, Birthdays, The Middle and 40 things I've Lived Through

I love babies.  I love their new baby smell, their little bodies, their cries, the peace that fills your soul when you hold them, their little eyes, the way they grip your thumb with their teeny weeny hands. Even when they cry I love soothing them and assuring them that everything will be just fine. I almost considered being a volunteer at the Hospital to rock the babies in some ward that needed it but then overthought it when my mind got away from me and found itself in that "What if I get attached to one and I come back one day and the baby is no longer there not because the baby got well but because the baby didn't?"  There are things I have known about myself for many decades and one is that my heart simply cannot handle that.  In an instant I saved myself from the imagined heartbreak all the while robbing myself from the delight that rocking those babies would have brought me.  I am all kinds of complex and I made peace with that a very long time ago.

I love babies.  Just me? Fine. I love babies.

What I especially love about these new members of our planet is how they read energy.  Babies don't lie.  They can sense whatever it is you are covering up and will promptly not want a thing to do with you.  They will cry their loudest cry to get away from your bad energy.  They also do this thing where they are drawn to good energy and want some of it.  How many times have you heard a Parent say little Shiloh won't go to anyone but wants this new person to hold him and cries when they try to get him out of said person's arms?

Yeah, energy. That thing is realer than a mofo.

I turned 40 this year.  Yup, right there on May 1st I entered that age we thought was the end of it all when we were 8.  New Year's Day and seeing 2016 just pushed in me into overdrive and all I talked about from then till May 1st was I'm turning 40 this and I'm turning 40 that.  My people's grew weary of hearing about it but because they love me, they dealt with me.

I even did something I have never done in my entire life and threw myself a party. Me!!! This is an important detail cause as much I love my birthday and want a big deal to be made of it, I reserve that for my parents, siblings, kids and a significant other if there is one.  Fact: quickest way to lose my interest is to NOT acknowledge my birthday as the greatest day on earth.  Back to the party, yeah that was a huge deal for me to ask others to acknowledge and celebrate me and I am grateful that they did. Speeches were made about me (my sister's especially brought me to tears cause of reasons and if you want to catch up go back and read previous blogs) and I got sang to.  I truly got my flowers that day and it was everything I needed.

And then the day came and went and that was that. Isn't that funny how that goes.

I've maybe said I turned 40 once or twice in conversation since then.  While I'm happy to be here on the other side of 39, something feels different.  I've felt like an adult since forever ago, I was married with 2 kids at 25 but since crossing over, I just feel like a bona fide adult and like this is the starting line of the marathon and on the way to the finish line.

Now girl I need you to come back to me.  I know I lost you there for a minute.  No, I'm not saying I'm on my way out because I'm so old and my bones creek when I walk and I can barely see and barely remember anything!  Calm down!  What I am saying is that if I live to 80 and beyond then here I am at the middle. The middle.  When you're 10 and excited to make double digits finally, 18 and grown and know everything and don't need anyone to tell you anything, 27 and coming into your own finally making some real money and better decisions, the middle seems way over there.

But here I am at the middle with nothing but possibility in front of me.  I say the starting line of a marathon because I am about to train for my first one and let me tell you, you don't get through 26.2 miles with just your two feet carrying you without a strategy of some sort.  With just my feet I hope to complete it under 6 hours but in keeping with this life metaphor, I hope each mile is another 2 or 3 years of my life and I gotta plan and enjoy each and every one of them to the fullest and make this life thing count.

The middle also makes you look back and see just what you've been doing up until now.  I realized that a lot of things that are in history books or will make it to them are actually things I have lived through and that made me smile.  So here they are, 40 things I have lived through in 40 years of living:

1.  Michael Jackson (Jackson 5, Off the Wall, THRILLER, Bubbles, Prince, Paris, and Blanket, BET Awards with James Brown, Scream, and This is It).  All the stages man, all of them.

2.  I was 4 when Zimbabwe became the last African country to gain independence. (Namibia and Eritrea don't count Historians because they gained independence of other African countries).

3.  President Samora Machel's death.  In 1986 at school while we were lined up after recess, it was announced that Mozambican President had died from a plane crash.  That may have been my first realization that death was an actual thing.

4.  Madonna performing at the 1st ever MTV Music Awards in 1984 in a wedding dress.  Yes girl I know we are salty about current state Madonna and her half tribute to the Purple one and all, but girl in 1984 even in Ndola, Zambia, my eyes were glued to that TV screen!

5.  In 1993 the Zambian National soccer team lovingly known as Chipolopolo all died in a plane crash on their way to a FIFA qualifier game in Senegal.  The plane went down in Gabon.  I remember that day so clearly, I was walking back home from hanging out and an eerie quiet fell upon my hometown. We all stopped and heard the news.  My father had just at the last minute not gone on that flight.

6.  The internet! Girl, not the singing group but theeee internet.  Boys and girls once upon a time everything you wanted was not at your fingertips and you couldn't connect with people all over the world just by logging into your social media.  Nope, there was no internet and you had to wait weeks for a letter to get to another country.

7.  Nelson Mandela being released from prison in 1993 and then becoming the President of the very country that imprisoned him with such dignity.

8.  Kerri Strug performing at the 1996 Olympics with her broken ankle and winning the gold with her team!

9.  Kobe taking Brandy to his prom in 1996.

10.  In 1998 two little girls from Compton named Venus and Serena burst on the tennis scene and took over the sport and have won everything ever since!  It amazes me to no end that they are still dominating to this day! #blackexcellence #blackgirlmagic

11.  9/11/2001.  It was my second day back from maternity leave and I watched in horror as planes crashed into the World Trade Center.  Then the towers came down.  I refused to fly for many years after that and got anxiety every time I saw a plane fly by.

12.  Lorena Bobbitt put every man on notice in 1993 when she did what every woman has thought of doing at least once! You would have thought that would have taught them but here they are still acting a fool.

13.  In 1981, President Ronald Reagan was shot and survived.

14,  President Bill Clinton and the sexual relations he did not have with that woman.

15. President BARRACK HUSSEIN OBAMA!  Not once but twice!!!!  Man that November night in 2008 is one I will never ever forget!  The only reason I finally decided to become a citizen and VOTE!

16. Michelle Obama! Girl, what? Game changer. Bar set waaayyyy up!

17.  Tupac and Biggie.

18.  1990's Hip Hop and R&B.  Hype Williams videos and alla that.  Lissen, that was a good time.

19.  Silicon Valley.  Girl these nerdy kids done developed everything we needed and got rich as hell in the process!

20. The m'fucking recession!!!!

21.  Michael Jordan greatness.  All of it.

22.  Magic Johnson and Eazy-E announcements.

23.  Flava Flav reality show and that chick that shit herself on national TV.

24.  The Osbourne's on MTV and the birth of ______________??? What was Ozzy saying?

25.  Milli Vanilli.  Gurl you know it's true, girl you know, girl you, girl, girl, girl!!!  Oops you gotta blame it on something.

26. In 2003 a tired tiger was over it and bit Roy of Seigfried & Roy right there in the middle of their show.

27.  Caitlyn Jenner.

28.  OJ Simpson and the glove that didn't fit.  I was in college and had no clue who Juice was much to the dismay of every black college student around me.  Hey, I was new to the country and had never watched football.

29.  Ellen saying she was gay on her TV show and it making history in 1997.

30.  2004 Thailand Tsunami.

31.  That knee-grow Rae Carruth had his pregnant girlfriend murdered because he didn't want to pay child support in 2001.  Guess who will be released in 2018? Girl, girl, girl.

32.  AOL dial up connection.

33.  The brilliance of Steve Jobs.  It all started in 1976.

34.  Kentucky Wildcats win national championships in 1996, 1998, and 2012.  I was clueless on how big this thing was and I used to work the front desk at the Wildcat Lodge and just thought Walter, Derick, Ron, Mark and them were just normal folks. Someone asked me to work for them that night in 1996 at another dorm and I thought why not?  Extra hours as a college student was always a good idea.  Cut to 1 AM and folks were out there acting a fool on Euclid and in the dorms burning cars and what not.  What a night!  What a memory.  CATS! CATS! CATS!  Yeah, I bleed blue.

35.  Mike Tyson biting Evander's ear in 1997.

36.  Oprah becoming a Billionaire and having the longest running Talk Show on TV.

37.  Lauryn Hill and The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill.  G.O.A.T.  #Stan

38.  Flo-Jo! Those outfits, that face, that body!  She still holds the record for fastest women's 100 m time at 10.49 seconds in 1988.

39.  The 8-track (I don't remember this one at all), records, cassette's and CD's. I've lived through them all.  Before Apple Music kids, we had these options.

40.  The beauty of Princess Diana.  The Royal Wedding in 1981. I watched it.  Her death.  Seeing her kids flourish and watching it all over again with another Royal Wedding in 2011 with Kate and William.  Who knows one day I may see a 3rd one when Princess Charlotte gets married.

Fascinating stuff!

So yeah, I'm 40.  I'm here in the middle and at the starting line.  And my goal is to become like the babies I love so much.  I gotta get back to reading energy and seeking out the good energy and fleeing as fast as my feet will carry me from the bad.



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