African Girl in An American World

There are so many lessons on love. I continue to learn them as I go along my life's journey and some lessons surprise me but mostly I have duh moments because we know and have known all we need to know about love for a very long time. The beauty of aging is that you settle more into what you know.  I'm staring at 40 and feel very comfortable with what I know.  I knew what I know now in my 20's and even now in my 30's but when we are younger we want to prove things wrong or set out in changing what we know or tweaking it to our liking so it can fit better into our plan. I wrote a little about what I have learned on love for my sons here and really believe I have given them a great foundation that they may glance at in their 20's and 30's but truly get when they're older. Or maybe they'll surprise me and get the lesson much sooner than I ever did.  My parents didn't give me their thoughts on love like I'm giving my sons so we shall see. ...

I am African. I am American.  I am Black. I was born and raised until age 17 on the Continent whose bright blue skies are the most brilliant I've ever seen.  I am a daughter of the sun and marvel at the sunrises and sunsets in Africa. Happiness is infectious and I truly did feel like I had no worries. I became a woman on a Continent of plenty where you want for nothing. There's never one of just one thing.  Variety is the norm. You can easily become overwhelmed picking out toothpaste, a car seat, a house, you name it.  With all its abundance there is also a harshness in this land that I discovered and no one prepared me for. I identify fully as both an African and an American. Some would argue that I am the true definition of African-American.  Others would just argue that I'm just black.  I'd argue that I'm just a human being born with an amazing chocolate hue. I wrote about my experience back in 2006 over   here if you want to...

I had to leave. Reasons began to pile up. Reasons that I had ignored for years suddenly refused to reside in the background in the neat box I had put away.  They demanded to be acknowledged and analyzed whether I was ready or not by appearing in front of me daily.  They were ready to be heard and boy were they loud!  When it's time, girl it's time. So I left. I met this beautiful soul in 1995 as a bright eyed 19 year old and we walked through campus grounds to class singing Tupac's "So much pressure in the air, can you get away?" with nothing but love and our future in front of us.  Our future included college degrees, a marriage, two of the most beautiful brown eyed sons and in 2010 a separation that eventually led to divorce. I realize now after an in depth autopsy of all that was, that I had to leave, leave Lexington specifically because I had lost my identity there. He and I merged into one person and I allowed it. His football teammates sta...

I have been writing these rules for my amazing sons for years in my head. It is time to get them out of my head and on to the internet of course :) Here goes............... My Loves, I love you and you will hear me say this until my last breath.  I don't think I will ever stop staring at you and marveling in how handsome you are. You take my breath away and watching who you are becoming is my greatest pride and joy. I have some rules to live by about everything for you and I want to document them for you. Perhaps you will read them and live by them, or maybe you will simply glance at them and go back to being teenagers. Perhaps you will take one or two of these rules now and they will sink in or maybe years from now, you will read this again and somewhere in mid-sentence with someone important you will smile and say, "Mama said." All I can do is write this down and allow the pieces to fall where they may. On God: 1. Always know that you are never alone. Go...

He was planned. I mean we didn't have ovulation kits and a schedule of when to get down but we did have the discussion that went something like this. "We really should have another baby for our firstborn to play with, shouldn't we?" I think this was after we had watched Barney for the 15th time in a row and our firstborn still wanted us to play with him. "Yeah, we really should." And that was that. We had baby number two. A second son. Perfect. Now they'll play with each other and grow up their brother's keeper forever. Oh life, if only it was that simple.  Well, the having a play mate and being each other's keeper has worked but that perfect part? Ha! My first pregnancy was what the books said it would be. I went from not being able to finish a 6 inch sub, eat 3 inches for lunch and save the rest for dinner, to hearing myself order a fish filet meal, 6 piece nuggets and an apple pie and eating it all in 5 minutes. Yeah, other than ...

I'd just made my morning tea when I got a text that someone I loved deeply had died.  What do you reply to that? "Stop playing!!" Of course. What do you mean she's passed away? What are you talking about? This is real life and not some celebrity hoax so sadly it's true. This woman who was my lifeline when I didn't even know I needed a lifeline is gone. We were introduced by the ex-husband, they were workmates and he recognized her as "my people." I loved her from the moment we met and we spent so much time together.  We understood each other.  I kept her company as she transitioned into the empty nest thing. I recognized some issues and was concerned as a friend BUT made sure it was known that nothing crazy could be said about her in front of me. I loved and protected her fiercely! And she did the same for me. I was with her when her world collapsed and her son was killed by a hit and run driver. I wrote his obituary. Sigh. A ye...

Life. It has a funny way of having things show up, no? I was minding my own business watching "The Sisterhood" when right there on my TV screen I saw something I once did play out. One of the Pastor's wives had to pawn her wedding ring to make ends meet. I too pawned my wedding ring many years ago. And this caused such strife in the marriage. I explained over and over how I agonized over the decision and it didn't mean I didn't love him or didn't believe in the marriage.  It had everything to do with staying afloat and not going down financially. It had everything to do with making sure the kids were good and our lights wouldn't be cut off. It had everything to do with doing what needed to be done to survive. I watched this Pastor's wife agonize over the decision, cry and hand that ring over with such a heavy heart. All those feelings from that very day so many years ago rushed right back. I had no idea that I still needed to heal from ...