African Girl in An American World

I come from a long line of men who take this manhood thing seriously. Men who know that they are born to be providers.  Men who will go to the ends of the earth to ensure that their families are provided for and who will get physically sick when they can't. Men who hold their mothers on the highest pedestal and do whatever it takes to make sure their mothers are smiling until their last breath. Times change and we evolve with them but what I am witnessing lately is blowing my whole mind. While it was not expected for women to work outside of the home 40 years ago, mostly all women choose to work now until they have kids.  Even then, most return to work once the kids start school.  This is tied to the cost of living and how much higher it is now than it was 40 years ago but more importantly it is tied to self worth.  Some men seem to think our working and bringing in money means they can take a back seat now.  Um, no Sir.  What it means is that we ...

My first memory of death was being in the 3rd grade and my best friend Gina's father dying.  We had had a play date at her house before her and family went on vacation.  They were driving to Livingtone I think.  We said our goodbyes knowing fully that I'd see my best friend in a week when she returned. A phone call came and Mummy explained that the family had been involved in a terrible car accident on the way back from vacation and Gina's Dad had died.  I was sad that I would never see Mr. Giampaolo again and how he liked to tease Gina when I spent the night when she asked him to take the bones out of her fish and he would say, "Look at Mwabi, she doesn't need me to take the bones out of her fish."  I remember going to the cemetery to bury him but death still didn't compute. Life went on without one person in it. Then came the early teen years. Details are fuzzy but a car stopped by the house full of teen boys to pick up my brother and my parents said h...

I never ever thought I'd be here again. Here where it is confusing, frustrating, embarrassing, annoying and uncertainty filled. Here where I feel everything at once. Here where I feel everything in waves. Here where I don't feel anything at all. I haven't been here in years and felt stronger than ever.  I vowed to never be here again.  When I was here before, I didn't have a spiritual foundation. I do now. I'm angry that I'm here again after being so careful and guarded. I feel tricked. I'm embarrassed. I should have known better. I'm especially angry that with a spiritual foundation, I'm here again. I heard Iyanla Vanzant who has saved me from so much in my life, once say that you have to sit with your emotions and what you feel in order to heal. You can't just ignore what you feel and brush it under the rug. These jokers tend to keep showing up unless you let them do what they were sent to do. I know ...

I have been watching another show, "Being Mary Jane" and the relationship between 2 girlfriends has me scratching my head and examining my own friendships. These two women, Mary Jane and Lisa definitely love each other but there are so many buts. It appears that Lisa has it in her head (Lord, why do we live in our heads so much?) that David is the answer to living a happy life and somehow she had a chance with him that she missed.  She missed it because David was not interested in her, all his interest and affection was for Mary Jane.  Mary Jane didn't steal David from Lisa (though I think in her head Lisa thinks she did) because David was never hers to begin with. It goes deeper and our girl Lisa feels like MJ gets everything; the loving parents and family, the great job, the good men.  It is frustrating to watch because Lisa is beautiful and a successful doctor in her own right. Our girl is STUCK.  And angry. And lashing out.  And gone inward. Pho...

Parenting is the most important job in the world.  I know this for sure.  It is difficult and rewarding. There are things we say or actions we don't even think twice about that our children store in their minds for a lifetime. These very things shape them. I can't remember how old I was but I do know it was at an age where I was comprehending things and seeing life for what it was just a little bit more.  It was definitely after the days of Santa Claus but still before the days of "wait, you mean I gotta figure this all out on my own one day?" and panic setting in.  I was in the happy medium state of still living at home where Mommy and Daddy took care of everything and my biggest decision was what to wear or what book to read that day. I remember this day so clearly.  We had unexpected visitors stop by and my parents rolled out the red carpet as always.  We kids let the parents reminisce about the old days and us kids talked about what kids talked abou...

There are so many lessons on love. I continue to learn them as I go along my life's journey and some lessons surprise me but mostly I have duh moments because we know and have known all we need to know about love for a very long time. The beauty of aging is that you settle more into what you know.  I'm staring at 40 and feel very comfortable with what I know.  I knew what I know now in my 20's and even now in my 30's but when we are younger we want to prove things wrong or set out in changing what we know or tweaking it to our liking so it can fit better into our plan. I wrote a little about what I have learned on love for my sons here and really believe I have given them a great foundation that they may glance at in their 20's and 30's but truly get when they're older. Or maybe they'll surprise me and get the lesson much sooner than I ever did.  My parents didn't give me their thoughts on love like I'm giving my sons so we shall see. ...

I am African. I am American.  I am Black. I was born and raised until age 17 on the Continent whose bright blue skies are the most brilliant I've ever seen.  I am a daughter of the sun and marvel at the sunrises and sunsets in Africa. Happiness is infectious and I truly did feel like I had no worries. I became a woman on a Continent of plenty where you want for nothing. There's never one of just one thing.  Variety is the norm. You can easily become overwhelmed picking out toothpaste, a car seat, a house, you name it.  With all its abundance there is also a harshness in this land that I discovered and no one prepared me for. I identify fully as both an African and an American. Some would argue that I am the true definition of African-American.  Others would just argue that I'm just black.  I'd argue that I'm just a human being born with an amazing chocolate hue. I wrote about my experience back in 2006 over   here if you want to...