African Girl in An American World

It doesn't happen as often but it happens. This feeling of being in the middle of the ocean all alone and treading water. Sometimes someone leads me here and gets me good and comfortable then abruptly leaves. Other times I lead myself here and stay here until it is time to come to the shore again. It's never done willingly. I feel myself "going there" and can pull back and stay in the wonderful reality that is my life.  I'm not always fortunate enough to catch it in time the same way I am learning to catch when a migraine is coming and deterring it. I see changes in how I deal with it.  In the past I stayed there and and went under. I'd come undone and watch as I went deeper.  I'd eventually get tired and frantically find a life jacket or life ring to desperately hold on to till the raging thunder ran out of rain. These days I tread water and reflect.  I don't fight it.  I don't like being here but I know it's necessary. It is a par...

It happens to everyone.  That shiny brand new thing one day becomes dull and boring. It all fades away some days.  The beautifully manicured lawns you once admired on TV and on postcards beckoning you to come are glorious and divine to look at now that you live here but some days you long for the grass you saw outside your window growing up. This land of plenty and choices galore make you appreciate that you have a choice most days but some days you long for the simplicity that ONE thing brings. And when you voice your longing and say you miss home you are not met with empathy but instead by the dreaded "Why did you come here? Go home to your country." My younger self would go to that place full of anger and explanation but these days I have nothing.  I just don't have the energy. Yes, this is the land of the free and the home of the brave BUT I have a home.  I have made this my home but home will always be home.  Don't mistake that. Why do people do...

                I am being harassed and pressured to write by 2 people who shall remain nameless or not. Hey Edith and Elita. Happy now?  Both E’s. Surely there is a story here.  I’ll explore it one day.                 I have had discussions over the years and most recently with philosophical, lover of history Warrior about religion.  He studies it in depth so he can go on and on for days about its origins and meaning while I am content with my UCZ (United Church of Zambia) and Fatima Girls Catholic School Religious Education class fundamental teachings.  We both agreed that Catholics have a high level of no judgment zone compared to most.  My Religious Ed class taught me about Catholic Saints, the Prophet Mohammad, Buddha, Gandhi and Jesus.  It was never about how their way was right and everyone else wa...

Those of you who know me outside of the internet, well my life is on the internet so scratch that.....those of you who know me know I fell in love 2 years ago with my nephew-son Princeton.  I spent everyday with him from the day he was born until he left to live with his Grandma. He just turned 2 and this is the stage I loved most with my sons.  These little people suddenly develop personalities and actually communicate with you! It's the best feeling in the world to have a conversation and see how their minds work.  Princeton has developed a love affair with Barney episodes on my phone and potato chips and found every way to work that into our conversations. My sons, my sugarbabies, my young men are now teenagers. I have learned to adjust but this right here is new territory that no one can prepare you for like most stages of parenting.  They can write the books and preach the Sunday morning services about it but until you get here, you have no clue. Not on...

I see her walking outside. I notice her because she will not go a step beyond the pavement outside our apartment block.  She will walk the 20 or steps from her front door to the spot where I park my car and promptly turn around and do it again.  I've never been patient enough to observe how many times she does this because I am in Georgia and you avoid being outside when air conditioning is an option. Yesterday and other times before that, I have seen her just standing on porch staring into space longing for something.  I know what that something is, I have experienced it myself; she is longing for home. Like me, she is an immigrant. I don't know where home is. It could be India or Sri Lanka. I've seen her in a Sari before but mostly she wears a Salwar Kameez. Her face needs no Botox but you can tell the years she has been through just by looking at her. I noticed her because of her fear.  She looks uncomfortable whenever anyone walks by her.  Her fear t...

This title seems harsh but it's the honest truth and until you see it for yourself, it is hard to believe. After all aren't Christians those wonderful folks who publicly give their lives to Christ and vow to live as Christ lived?  Instead....... Call it getting older but this past year I've been yearning for simplicity. Simplicity in everything really.  My brain just can't sit through hours of ratchet TV anymore to watch the same scripted argument about who ate the last sandwich, or who didn't tell who what for 5 straight episodes.  I'm tired. I've known about The Duggar family for years.  They were on the Today Show announcing pregnancy number 17, 18, 19 and 20 and the engagements of their children.  I knew of them and thought God bless this woman cause my nerves can only handle the 2 children I have.  Michelle Duggar has been pregnant for 24 years of her life or something crazy like that. Not me for, but do you Boo. This family has had a show on t...

I come from a long line of men who take this manhood thing seriously. Men who know that they are born to be providers.  Men who will go to the ends of the earth to ensure that their families are provided for and who will get physically sick when they can't. Men who hold their mothers on the highest pedestal and do whatever it takes to make sure their mothers are smiling until their last breath. Times change and we evolve with them but what I am witnessing lately is blowing my whole mind. While it was not expected for women to work outside of the home 40 years ago, mostly all women choose to work now until they have kids.  Even then, most return to work once the kids start school.  This is tied to the cost of living and how much higher it is now than it was 40 years ago but more importantly it is tied to self worth.  Some men seem to think our working and bringing in money means they can take a back seat now.  Um, no Sir.  What it means is that we ...