African Girl in An American World

I have been writing these rules for my amazing sons for years in my head. It is time to get them out of my head and on to the internet of course :) Here goes............... My Loves, I love you and you will hear me say this until my last breath.  I don't think I will ever stop staring at you and marveling in how handsome you are. You take my breath away and watching who you are becoming is my greatest pride and joy. I have some rules to live by about everything for you and I want to document them for you. Perhaps you will read them and live by them, or maybe you will simply glance at them and go back to being teenagers. Perhaps you will take one or two of these rules now and they will sink in or maybe years from now, you will read this again and somewhere in mid-sentence with someone important you will smile and say, "Mama said." All I can do is write this down and allow the pieces to fall where they may. On God: 1. Always know that you are never alone. Go

He was planned. I mean we didn't have ovulation kits and a schedule of when to get down but we did have the discussion that went something like this. "We really should have another baby for our firstborn to play with, shouldn't we?" I think this was after we had watched Barney for the 15th time in a row and our firstborn still wanted us to play with him. "Yeah, we really should." And that was that. We had baby number two. A second son. Perfect. Now they'll play with each other and grow up their brother's keeper forever. Oh life, if only it was that simple.  Well, the having a play mate and being each other's keeper has worked but that perfect part? Ha! My first pregnancy was what the books said it would be. I went from not being able to finish a 6 inch sub, eat 3 inches for lunch and save the rest for dinner, to hearing myself order a fish filet meal, 6 piece nuggets and an apple pie and eating it all in 5 minutes. Yeah, other than

I'd just made my morning tea when I got a text that someone I loved deeply had died.  What do you reply to that? "Stop playing!!" Of course. What do you mean she's passed away? What are you talking about? This is real life and not some celebrity hoax so sadly it's true. This woman who was my lifeline when I didn't even know I needed a lifeline is gone. We were introduced by the ex-husband, they were workmates and he recognized her as "my people." I loved her from the moment we met and we spent so much time together.  We understood each other.  I kept her company as she transitioned into the empty nest thing. I recognized some issues and was concerned as a friend BUT made sure it was known that nothing crazy could be said about her in front of me. I loved and protected her fiercely! And she did the same for me. I was with her when her world collapsed and her son was killed by a hit and run driver. I wrote his obituary. Sigh. A ye

Life. It has a funny way of having things show up, no? I was minding my own business watching "The Sisterhood" when right there on my TV screen I saw something I once did play out. One of the Pastor's wives had to pawn her wedding ring to make ends meet. I too pawned my wedding ring many years ago. And this caused such strife in the marriage. I explained over and over how I agonized over the decision and it didn't mean I didn't love him or didn't believe in the marriage.  It had everything to do with staying afloat and not going down financially. It had everything to do with making sure the kids were good and our lights wouldn't be cut off. It had everything to do with doing what needed to be done to survive. I watched this Pastor's wife agonize over the decision, cry and hand that ring over with such a heavy heart. All those feelings from that very day so many years ago rushed right back. I had no idea that I still needed to heal from

Sometimes I wonder why some shit makes the news. Then again, sometimes I think I was given too much common sense. All this talk of this Mother giving her 13 year old son a cell phone with a contract is not a big deal, come on people! As parents we gave my oldest son a cell phone for his 13th birthday.  He didn’t get a cell phone until 13.  This was the rule.  I didn’t care that we knew 7 year olds with cell phones. Not over here. As parents we had a discussion and agreed on things before even buying him the phone. Then, we sat down with him and gave him some rules and expectations about this new responsibility. Isn’t this the thing to do? Help me understand. My son knows that I pay the bill on this cell phone and I trust him to NOT have to know his password every minute of the day BUT if I ask you to hand the phone over and TELL me the password RIGHT NOW, there are no further questions. This goes for everything. Don’t surf for porn on your phone, don’t text foolishnes

I read a great line the other day that got me thinking. I’m reading a surprisingly great witty book called “Jennifer Johnson is Sick of Being Single.” I bought it for myself day after Christmas on an impromptu “Who needs Santa?” mini shopping spree.  Yes, I’m recently divorced, blah, blah, blah but I didn’t buy this book because I’m single and sick of it...this new single life has been quite fun and much needed actually.  Getting my Joan Clayton/Carrie Bradshaw/Khadijah James/Maxine Shaw/Regine Hunter on has been some much needed entertainment. And online dating? Chile, that alone could be a blog.  I know what I like and this writing style by Heather McElhatton is it.  I love well written stuff.  So right there on page 17 I read... “The secret to surviving a religious high school, or any war zone for that matter, is to find your people.  Even if it’s only one people. One is enough.  If you can find one person in the crowd who’s like you, then you can survive almost anything. I met