African Girl in An American World

I never ever thought I'd be here again. Here where it is confusing, frustrating, embarrassing, annoying and uncertainty filled. Here where I feel everything at once. Here where I feel everything in waves. Here where I don't feel anything at all. I haven't been here in years and felt stronger than ever.  I vowed to never be here again.  When I was here before, I didn't have a spiritual foundation. I do now. I'm angry that I'm here again after being so careful and guarded. I feel tricked. I'm embarrassed. I should have known better. I'm especially angry that with a spiritual foundation, I'm here again. I heard Iyanla Vanzant who has saved me from so much in my life, once say that you have to sit with your emotions and what you feel in order to heal. You can't just ignore what you feel and brush it under the rug. These jokers tend to keep showing up unless you let them do what they were sent to do. I know ...

I have been watching another show, "Being Mary Jane" and the relationship between 2 girlfriends has me scratching my head and examining my own friendships. These two women, Mary Jane and Lisa definitely love each other but there are so many buts. It appears that Lisa has it in her head (Lord, why do we live in our heads so much?) that David is the answer to living a happy life and somehow she had a chance with him that she missed.  She missed it because David was not interested in her, all his interest and affection was for Mary Jane.  Mary Jane didn't steal David from Lisa (though I think in her head Lisa thinks she did) because David was never hers to begin with. It goes deeper and our girl Lisa feels like MJ gets everything; the loving parents and family, the great job, the good men.  It is frustrating to watch because Lisa is beautiful and a successful doctor in her own right. Our girl is STUCK.  And angry. And lashing out.  And gone inward. Pho...

Parenting is the most important job in the world.  I know this for sure.  It is difficult and rewarding. There are things we say or actions we don't even think twice about that our children store in their minds for a lifetime. These very things shape them. I can't remember how old I was but I do know it was at an age where I was comprehending things and seeing life for what it was just a little bit more.  It was definitely after the days of Santa Claus but still before the days of "wait, you mean I gotta figure this all out on my own one day?" and panic setting in.  I was in the happy medium state of still living at home where Mommy and Daddy took care of everything and my biggest decision was what to wear or what book to read that day. I remember this day so clearly.  We had unexpected visitors stop by and my parents rolled out the red carpet as always.  We kids let the parents reminisce about the old days and us kids talked about what kids talked abou...